A Parent’s Love
I am a member of the generation where it was very common for families to consist of 5, 8 or even 10+ children. As a child, I could remember many families on the block who had families larger than my own and I was the youngest of five children. Before I was a parent myself, I wondered how it was possible for a parent to have enough love for a family so large.
I look back at a time when my grandfather’s family lived in Montelepre, Sicily at the turn of the century and recall the hardship they faced just to provide food for their family. I sometimes teach cultural and culinary classes locally about Italy and Sicily, and there is a point during my class about Sicilian history where we discuss the mass migration of Sicilians from Sicily to other countries in search of a better life. During a period from 1890 to 1910, it is estimated that about 5 million Sicilians left a country of about 25 million. A few times I’ve been asked by my students, “Why did so many people leave?”
The answer to this question became even more clear to me as I learned about what my great grandmother had to deal with back then. You see, I always knew my grandfather had three brothers and a sister; he and his two brothers were part of that great migration to the United States of America. What was unknown to me about my grandfather’s family that I learned during a visit to Montelepre when I was trying to acquire a birth certificate for my grandfather. My Uncle Gus in California gave me the wrong year he was born. Therefore, when I went to the town clerk with my friend Carlo, the clerk couldn’t find the record of his birth, stating that there wasn’t a record associated on that day. I remembered a Padre in town, who once gave me a family tree of my grandfather’s family that dated all the way back to the 1680’s. I suggested to Carlo that maybe he could help us.
It turns out that Padre Gaspare Randazzo is well known in the town as an expert of genealogy for Montelepre, and has created a large database of the families in the town. Padre Randazzo not only provided me with the correct year of my grandfather’s birth, but also informed me that my great grandmother, Antonia Monaco Gaglio, actually gave birth to ten children, not just the five I was aware of. One-by-one, Padre Randazzo showed me the computer screens from his database with the information about the children of my great grandmother Antonia, whom I didn’t know existed. For example, there was Angela Gaglio, who was born on December 24, 1898, a Christmas baby who died just a few days later on December 28. There was Salvatore Gaglio, who was born on April 19, 1896, but didn’t survive his first birthday with a date of death of December 2, 1897. I was confused with Salvatore’s information, because I remember having a great uncle Sal (born in 1903), but realized that people back then just reused the name again which honored a relative, which was the case of my Great Uncle Sal. A few years back from those births, my great grandmother Antonia gave birth on April 7, 1888, to Giuseppe, the first son with that name. However, Giuseppe did make it to his first birthday, but died shortly after on June 1, 1889. The same was to happen with two other children from my great grandmother family.
This information points to the dramatic poverty of Sicily at the time with high mortality rates among newborns and young children. It’s no wonder why my grandfather, Francesco Gaglio (born 3/28/1894), boarded a ship from Palermo at age 18, headed for New York City in 1912. My Great Uncle Jack and Sal also left for the United States, with the possibility of never returning to see their mother and father again.
Can you imagine a mother’s sorrow as she watched three of her sons who survived such harsh conditions sail off to a far away land? My grandfather did return, though, after two World Wars, and I have a photograph of him in 1949 with his mother exhibiting a smile filled with the love for her long-missed son. I have no doubt that my great grandmother would have had plenty of love for each and every one of her children, if the five others would have survived.
I only have two children, whom I love with all my heart, but I also know I have enough love to share with much more than just two. I’ve had the amazing experience of forming relationships with some of my younger cousins in Sicily, which has given me the indication that such love is capable with an unlimited capacity. It’s possible the reason I’ve been on this path may very well be not only to share such love within me, but to receive it as well. There are three such cousins I feel this way about who all have become so special to me, and I hope I’ve made an impact on their lives.
The first is Emanuela, who I met on my first visit to Sicily when she was 17 years old. It was not long after she lost her dad to cancer and found herself without him to help her into adult life. Over the years, we became very close as she helped me communicate with my other cousins through her translations. During this time, she had to make the decision about her future, so I invited her to spend the week on tour with us in Tuscany to talk with our tour guides to see if the travel industry would be interesting for her as well as enjoy a part of Italy she had never seen before. On another visit, I also remember her love and kindness when she opened up her closet to lend my daughter, who is the same age as she, some of her clothing when my daughter’s luggage failed to arrive at the Palermo airport.
A few years later, she decided to enter the military, as her father did when he was a young man. The skinny, shy 18-year-old I met on the mountain in Sicily has turned into a confident and physically strong young woman, who speaks English with great ease. It’s hard to express the amount of joy I receive when she texts me a photo of her and her family at her mother’s birthday party as they are about to celebrate with a bottle of wine I had given her mother on a recent visit, or waking up on my birthday to receive my first birthday greeting sent by Emanuela during the night. I can’t help but feel there is a role I have in her life, a small attempt to help fill the loss of her father.
There is another cousin, Riccardo, who actually lives in London now, after graduating with a masters in Finance. We have made a connection given our education background and through the years I’ve become very close to his mother Vitanna and brother Roberto. Riccardo also lost his father when he was a boy living in Campania and his mother moved the family back to Montelepre. Riccardo and I have had great culinary experiences over the years; it’s fun to meet him in London or other European places like Barcelona where we do food tours and indulge with elegant dinners. One time, we did our best to eat as much seafood in Barcelona as we could and Riccardo’s friend recommended a place for lunch, O’retorno, where locals go to try a favored dish, octopus with potatoes. The paprika seasoning was the best I’ve ever tasted and the octopus was cooked to perfection. Watching the locals interact during their lunch time was interesting as well.
One of my favorite experiences with Riccardo was in London when he said “I want to try to golf at a place near my home.” I was confused, and said “How could there be a golf course in the middle of London?” He couldn’t quite explain it, but when we arrived at the place, I realized it was only a driving range. Riccardo had never placed a golf club in his hands before, let alone tried to hit a golf ball with one, so there we were, me giving him a fast lesson on how to hit a golf ball. Now, I’m the last person who should be giving a golf lesson, considering I’ve never came close to scoring under 100, but I was able to give him enough instruction for him to actually make contact and hit the ball pretty far. His mother really enjoyed the video I sent her to share with her two other boys at home. I think that if his father were still alive, he would bring his mother to visit with his son as he tries to find employment in the financial industry. It makes me happy to visit and treat him to wonderful foods and new experiences.
Finally, there is my dear Alba, the daughter of my late cousin Luciana. Many years ago, I brought Alba, her brother, and mother Luciana to Sarasota for a trip to Disney World in Orlando and we became very close over the past several years. It was during that Sarasota visit on Christmas Eve when Luciana taught me how to make tiramisu (see Luciana’s Tiramisu blog article). It was a somber experience when I visited Alba in Montelepre after her mother passed away at age 51, the year before Alba graduated from college. There we were, sitting in her mother’s house in the kitchen, when I asked “How are you, Alba? Do you have anyone to talk to about your mother’s death?” To which she answered, “I have my father, who lost his mother when he was young and the same with my boyfriend, who lost his father recently. However, I don’t know how to make my mother’s tiramisu.” At that moment, my heart spilled open, and I suggested we go to the market to collect the ingredients and prepare the dessert for the family dinner the following night in the country. Later that day as we worked together making the dessert, Alba looked at me and said, “I feel my mother in the room when I’m with you.” Holding back tears of grief, I smiled at Alba and thanked her for having me in her life; I felt such love from her, as if she were my own daughter.
There it was, the love in this family came full circle, with my grandfather leaving in 1912 and my returning just over 100 years later to teach my cousin Alba her mother’s tiramisu recipe. So, to answer my initial question, “Can a parent have enough love for all his/her children no matter how many?”, the answer is definitely YES. It is clear to me through the experiences I’ve had with my young cousins in Sicily, a parent has no limits on the love he or she can share with a child. Like with my own children, Tony and Kaitlyn, my life has been deeply enriched through the relationships I share with Emanuela, Riccardo and Alba. A parent has unlimited love, it seems to me, because we have been designed by God to be that way.
The happiness these young cousins make me feel is due to the love I receive from them; I hope I can bring a little joy into their lives, the kind of joy that would have been brought to them, if their deceased parents were still alive.
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